This report starts here.
RE: The troubles back home
I understand that science establishment back home is questioning the validity of my work. But I’m telling you that all of these reports are true. I couldn’t make this stuff up. And, since you’ve cut my funding, I need to cut back the frequency of my reports.
I’ll have to get what Earthlings call a “real job”. “Get a real job” is what Earthlings say to someone who has a job they think is silly or impractical. Like, musician or artist. Or someone trying to make it as a writer in a new medium.
Some of them don’t like it when they see people doing something they used to dream about doing when they were young and had dreams. Then they grew up and realized they made a world where things cost money and they only way to get that was to get a job.
But the people who support these people are the best people ever. And the all the ways they can support them are amazing! I mean, they could just click on an ad whenever they stop by for a visit. Or they could buy some merchandise with their art on it! How cool is that? (Very.)
Another way would be to, oh, I don’t know, shop at a store that will give the poor Earthling a small percentage of the shopper’s purchase total at no extra cost to the shopper! Or, they could just flat out give them money. There are so many ways to help they’d have to be crazy not to do something.
They have studies here that prove that people who do this become richer and more beautiful. I mean like Marilyn Monroe and Cary Grant beautiful. And thinner. Don’t forget thinner. The flab just melts away. Plus, they pee perfume and fart rainbows. And that’s not from me; That’s Dr. Oz talking.
They asked me not to say anything, but, just between you and me, all the cool kids are doing it, too.
All of these things are just Earthlings at their best.
Observer003 – Earthlings