These Barbarians


What is it with these barbarians that they lack a Universal Shower Convention? Every home and hotel I’ve stayed at has a control system that is opaque and unique. There’s always one step that is impossible to deduce.

“Okay, I see how to turn the water on and adjust the temperature. But how the hell do I make it be a shower? I’ve turned and pulled everything in the tub and on myself, but nothing makes the water come out here instead of there. Oh, curse you, feckless fate! Why am I never able to bathe in convenience?”

And the people who explain it to you have been doing it since birth, so they look at you like you’re the idiot.

“To make the water come out of the shower head instead of the tub spout, pull down on the water spout while turning it contrary to the direction of the rotation of the planet in one smooth motion. That last part if very important. It’s pretty simple but if you do that wrong, you lose self-esteem points each time.”

“As I’ve discovered.”

Bathing shouldn’t require cheat codes. (Hot, Hot, Massage, Cold, Stream, Drain Tub. Okay, that worked.) Are Earthlings afraid others will steal into their homes and cleanse themselves when they are not there?

Plus, I’d like to point out, all of this happens at the time of your lowest mental acuity. Everything is already bumblely in the morning. I don’t need this added challenge.

Observer003 – Earthlings


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