Exodus II – Part II: What The Heck, Amalek?


This story starts here.

But on the way there, the Israelites got attacked by Amalek (It’s unclear if that’s a person, a people or a country). But so long as Moses kept his arms raised the Israelites won. But when he lowered them, they started to lose. Why Yahweh made it go down like this, I have no idea.

So the battle went back and forth because Moses’s arms would get tired, because battles last a long time and he just couldn’t keep his arms up that long. Then he realized he should just sit down and have two guys hold his arms up. So finally the Israelites kicked Amalek’s ass.

And Yahweh was so pumped from this that he was all like, “Woo-hoo! Oh yeah! I’m going to wipe Amalek from history! No one will even remember they even existed!! Write it down! Write it down that no one will ever remember Amalek even existed.”

So the Israelites wrote it down in their book. A book, by the way, that’s been translated into every known Earthling language.

Well played, Israel. Well played.

Observer003 – Earthlings

Monday: Part III: I Am Who Am The Law

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