Native Tongue: Part III –Contronyms

Native Tongue: Part III –Contronyms This report starts here. To understand Earthlings, you have to understand that even their language is conflicted. None of the following statements are considered insane: … Continue Reading →

Native Tongue: Part II –Intensifiers

This report starts here. Then there’s intensifiers. They are braggers and one-ups-men at heart. Their things aren’t big, they’re huge. And if someone’s is huge someone else’s is massive. So … Continue Reading →


Why I Don’t Report In My Native Tongue

I can only explain these people using one of their own language since they have concepts we just don’t have words for. Lobsterfest. We don’t have a single crustacean-based festivity, … Continue Reading →


Basic Earthling Cuisine: Spugety

I was going through some old papers and I stumbled upon what must be my first report. See attached. While brief, it is notable on a couple of points. First, … Continue Reading →


Bugs: Part III – The Possible Upside

This report starts here. There’s a kind of drink here called tequila. Tequila – I’ll just have to get into alcohol in another report. The point is, some bottles of … Continue Reading →

Not Food

Bugs: Part II – You’re Kidding Me, Right?

This report starts here. No Earthlings eat poop. Or at least no Earthlings advocate eating poop. But some do advocate for the next worse thing. Entomophagy. Discovering that eating bugs … Continue Reading →



Bugs are little nightmares made real. They have to be small because if they were human sized, every Earthling would go insane. (Er.) Most of their worst depictions of us … Continue Reading →


Vomit Clothes

Imagine there’s a tiny creature that vomits up a tiny room so it can change into a tiny, pretty party dress. Then imagine there’s bigger creature that takes that room … Continue Reading →


Churning the Sea of Milk: Part V – Vishnu, the Glory Hog

This report starts here. The penultimate thing to be spat from the Sea of Milk was Kaustubha, the most valuable jewel in the world that’s made of milk. Vishnu grabbed … Continue Reading →


Churning the Sea of Milk: Part IV – The Gifts Keep Coming!

This report starts here. Next up from the Sea of Milk was the moon. Shiva grabbed it. “Shit, yeah. I’m gonna wear it.” And he did. “Like a hat.” Okay. … Continue Reading →