Cock Fight: Part II – Semantics

This report starts here. Men are very focused on their penis size; It’s a big issue for them. Small ones are laughed at. Large ones are envied. There is a … Continue Reading →

Shiva's Pillar of Fire

Wiener War

There’s a story where Brahma and Vishnu were arguing over which of them was the dick-swingingest god. Brahma was like, “Dude, I’m the Creator. I created all this. Ergo, I’m … Continue Reading →


I have a bad habit of thinking the actual question being asked is the question actually being asked. I’ve come to expect this sort of confusion when talking to the … Continue Reading →

Lot's Wife

Sodom. And also Gomorrah: Part III –Lot’s Wife, Pillar of the Community (Ba-dum, Pshh)

This report starts here. The next day, Lot and all headed out. As they left, the angels warned everyone not to look back at the city because it was about … Continue Reading →


Sodom. And also Gomorrah: Part II – The Low Bar for Righteous

This report starts here. YHWH’s angels went to Sodom and at the gate they found this guy, Lot, who, as it happens, was Abraham’s nephew. “Good sirs! May I offer … Continue Reading →


Sodom. And Also Gomorrah.

YHWH decided to level this town called Sodom because it sinned a lot. It just wouldn’t stop. They were so bad they even got a whole predilection named after them. … Continue Reading →


The Scientific Method

Here is the Earthling way of figuring out how the universe works: They take something very small and whirl it around really fast – as fast as they can get … Continue Reading →

Native Tongue: Part III –Contronyms

Native Tongue: Part III –Contronyms This report starts here. To understand Earthlings, you have to understand that even their language is conflicted. None of the following statements are considered insane: … Continue Reading →

Native Tongue: Part II –Intensifiers

This report starts here. Then there’s intensifiers. They are braggers and one-ups-men at heart. Their things aren’t big, they’re huge. And if someone’s is huge someone else’s is massive. So … Continue Reading →


Why I Don’t Report In My Native Tongue

I can only explain these people using one of their own language since they have concepts we just don’t have words for. Lobsterfest. We don’t have a single crustacean-based festivity, … Continue Reading →